Jeremy Tells The Gang If Myrnin Has Cheated
by sydneysages
Summary: CRACKFIC with Chaz and Vicky! Basically what it says in the title but with SO MUCH MORE humour in it. Includes Chaz mimicking her Mother with her clothes and is there going to be ANOTHER bust up? R&R!


_The third story in 'the series'_

_This one is set after Jeremy sorts out the family and Jeremy confirms who the parent is. It is also after Jeremy asks why Amelie uses a tanning bed._

_I don't own anything besides myself… as, once again, it would still be slavery if someone else owned me…_

_**thanks to further facebook conversations between me and Chaz, there shall be a _fourth _instalment of this series**_

* * *

><p>Jeremy Kyle stands before the crowded audience (they had to add another four rows into the hall because so many of the townspeople wanted to come) and sighs, wondering what came to this. Ahh yes, he remembers with a wry sense of irony, it is because Chaz decided to (on stage, may this be added) tell a pregnant Vicky that her fiancé is cheating on her with Claire, her sort of best friend.<p>

But he wants to just go home now… he's going to be _forty six_; he needs to focus on his own life soon, rather than continuing to obsess over this problematic situation with Amelie's family. Thankfully, he thinks, she isn't going to be the main runner in this one: since the issue is whether or not Myrnin cheated on Vicky with Claire. So the main people on stage will be Myrnin, Claire, Vicky (obviously), Shane and Chaz. Sam shall probably pop onstage to support his daughter through it all – since she's pregnant, it's slightly important, Jeremy thinks, that if he _has_ cheated, the cheated on party should have someone to help her… and with what had gone on with Amelie calling Sam a paedo, something tells Jezza that she isn't going to be Vicky's first choice. The fact that he bought her a house as well sort of suggests that he could be higher up the pecking order, as well as the fact that he isn't going to marry Oliver… but he _is_ dating the woman who has insinuated that Myrnin is cheating.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and once again welcome to the Jeremy Kyle show, live from Morganville," Jeremy announces with a smile that isn't forced anymore since he knows, he _hopes_, that this is the last show… in Morganville, at least. "Today, we are settling the accusation as to whether or not Myrnin _has_ cheated on Vicky or not, either whilst pregnant or not… so, without further ado, let us bring Vicky onto the stage ladies and gentlemen!" he continues and the audience applaud politely, split whether or not they think he has cheated.

Some people, mainly human women, believe that he _hasn't_ cheated because he loves his girlfriend – no, fiancée as of the revelation in the last show – so much that he has gotten her pregnant… and why _would_ he cheat when they are just so _perfect_ for one another? However, the wiser people of the audience, especially vampires who have seen his womanising butt in action, suspect that there is a large chance that Chaz is right. After all, Myrnin had never been the 'settling' type, so why would he be now?

Vicky emerges on the stage, smiling slightly as she emerges but appearing more than slightly riled by the claims of her fiancé's infidelity. Sam, her 'daddy', emerges with her and looks grim faced, evidently wondering whether or not he should be supporting either of the sides since, once again, it seems that his pregnant girlfriend (what _is_ it with all the females having to have babies at the same time; are they plotting to save money on childcare or something by all hiring the same nanny?) is against his daughter.

"Vicky, honey, welcome back to the show – are you ok?" Jeremy asks her gently, causing her to shoot daggers at him.

"Jezza – and no, I don't care about chavs calling you Jezza - , I am _pregnant_," she starts sharply, showing how she is Amelie's daughter through and through. "I do _not _need you to treat me as if I am dying of a terminal illness!" she snaps, causing everyone in the room to roll their eyes.

"It was _JK_, not Jezza," Jeremy mumbles under his breath, hurt that she didn't remember his turmoil with the chavs… it's most depressing to be honest, because he knows that when he goes home, he's going to get that _all_ the time from all the stupid chavs who just don't realise that they aren't being original…

Sam, however, looks apologetic in accordance to Vicky's outburst and if it wasn't for the fact she was pregnant, he would have shed her in the same light as Amelie. "Sorry, Jeremy, hormones," he explains in a stage whisper, causing the audience to laugh whilst Vicky scowls.

"Dad, you don't need to talk for me," she says to him, walking a whole step further away from him, which he soon catches up.

"You live in the house I bought for you now, so you behave properly, okay?" he says, sounding like a proper parent for the first time since Jeremy had met him.

"Is _that_ why you bought it?" she gasps, realisation coming to her eyes. "So that you can _control_ me? Well, it isn't going to work!" she snaps, wrenching her wrist from his grasp and almost falling over.

"Honey, I didn't mean it like _that_," Sam says desperately, trying to go and help her but only causing her to stagger into one of the chairs.

She ignores him, just like she ignores Jeremy's attempts to get Sam to sit down and back away from her, and instead turns her head towards the place where she had walked in. _Uhoh_, Jeremy thinks as he sees her head turning.

"Mum!" she calls loudly, a touch of almost _irony_ in her tone. "Come save me from Dad!" she continues, lying pretty much about why she wants her mother to come out.

Amelie comes barrelling – generally even _four_ months pregnant people do this, apparently – down the corridor and emerges with the fury of a lion. "What on _earth_ have you done to my daughter to make her call for me in such a manner?" she snaps at Sam, levelling him off with a glare identical to Vicky's from earlier.

Sam takes a challenging step towards the mother of his youngest unborn child – it must be a weird thing to say that; you have two unborn children and both to different mothers… one of whom is the daughter of the other – and looks furiously in her direction. "Amelie, all I did was say that she should be polite!"

"According to my other daughter, the person you 'love', Myrnin is cheating so sue her for not being on top form with her manners," Amelie shoots back and Jeremy decides to step in before it gets personal… or physical, in this case. And since Amelie is preggers, like her two children and Eve, that wouldn't be the best thing… _especially_ since it is Sam's baby!

The reminder that Eve is pregnant hits Jeremy like a tonne of bricks as he realises he has Michael and Eve on the show. But he has to deal with these two absolute _idiots_ first.

"You two, _please_, shut up!" Jeremy explodes as he stands between the pair of them. "You are worse than the two and four year old I have at home when they decide to have a little fight about whether Teletubbies or Tots TV is better! If you – _both of you_, I don't care if you're pregnant Amelie – do not _shut up_, Vicky can sit her perfectly well on her own and you two can be relegated to backstage… where you will have to sit with each other _for a month_ until you sort out your problems. Is that clear?" he continues, having absolutely lost it with the two of them.

They both look stunned at him but nod slowly, understanding that they have to work together for the day with their family, finding out whether or not Myrnin has broken their daughter's heart, whether or not Chaz was telling the truth. "Sorry, honey," Sam says to his daughter as he sits on one side, Amelie on the other.

Jeremy sits down in front of her, amazed it has taken them _this_ long to get to just asking the possible 'cheatee' (part of having your own show means you can create your own words) if they think their partner has cheated. "Vicky, I hate you ask this but… do you think that he _has_ cheated?" he asks her gently, looking her right in the eyes.

She sighs, wondering whether or not he has. "I don't know, to be honest," she limps home to a stalemate, unsure whether or not to admit to the doubts in her. "I know he loves me and that he spends loads of time with me but… something about his nature suggests that there is a possibility he has. I mean, it's not like I work _that_ much in the lab with him since I'm normally working at the hospital… and he refuses to move out of the lab as well and come live in the house Dad bought… I _really_ hope not," she explains her answer, having doubts about him now she confesses it.

Jeremy nods thoughtfully and decides not to push it: he almost had a lawsuit once because he pushed a pregnant woman too far emotionally and it caused her to have a premature birth…

"So, ladies and gentlemen, Myrnin is on the show!" he announces and the man of the moment walks down the corridor sans his usual swagger. He is dressed in the clothes he knows Vicky prefers – modern and stylish – with his curls loose and, well, curly!

"My love," he says to Vicky, trying to get his chair inbetween her and Sam but Sam's feral snarl pushes him away. He knows better than to try and get between Amelie and her daughter, so he settles for the other side of Amelie, knowing that if he sat anywhere near Sam when the results of his lie detector come through, there could be a chance that the stake hidden in Sam's pocket is used… even if he is innocent.

"Myrnin, let's get straight to the chase: before we either bring anyone else out or do the lie detector results, are you innocent of the claims Chaz has made?" Jeremy asks, wondering whether or not the classic Myrnin evasion of questions he has been warned about by an angry Shane will be coming to light.

"My dearest Jeremy, I believe that the thing we must focus on presently is the _wondrous_ setting up of the stage," Myrnin, evidently struggling for things to discuss, decides to go for the layout of the damned room. "I mean, the lighting is _superb-_"

"Myrnin, if you do not answer the question, I will _personally_ castrate you!" Amelie snaps at her possible (if he doesn't fail the lie detector) son in law who looks astonished.

"A lady of your social standing knows how to do something as _heinous_ as that?" Myrnin asks, dumbfounded, whilst Vicky simply sniggers.

Amelie raises an eyebrow, calling Myrnin's bluff, before responding. "Yes, you absolute _fool_; you are the one who told me how to! True, you expected me to do it to _Oliver_, but I suppose I can do it to you," she explains how she knows how to do it, causing Sam to almost rip Vicky's hand off; he is now clenching it so tightly.

"Uh – Dad," Vicky indicates to her hand whilst the room of people continue to laugh at the fact that Myrnin could possibly be castrated.

"Yes, I will pass the test," he finally answers, looking down slightly. Everything about his mantra makes everyone believe he is guilty; everyone besides his fiancée, however, who decides to ignore her fiancé so that she can keep a level head.

"Good to know," Jeremy says sharply, not expecting the results to show this: he could compare it to the old dude he had on the show the other week, the one who accused his wife of cheating but then it emerged _he_ had cheated, because he always knew that he wouldn't pass the test… Myrnin's shifty eyes and entire body language suggests he is guilty. "Now, we have Claire on the show… Chaz was _supposed_ to be making an appearance right now but she is currently _on the toilet_ so she is unable to," he smirks slightly whilst the room bursts out in laughter, until an angry Claire comes marching down the corridor.

"Why the _hell_ would I cheat on Shane with Myrnin?" she explodes at Sam and Amelie, avoiding shouting at her friend somehow. "I love him whilst Myrnin, well, he is crazy and I wouldn't go near him _that_ way with a bargepole!" she continues, hearing Shane's footsteps progressing down the corridor after her to wrestle her away from the evil vampires who could kill her and into her chair. Well, evil isn't normally the word you would use for Sam but since his daughter could have had her fiancé cheat, it's not the best day to be riling him…

"So, Claire says she is innocent," Jeremy states, wondering how she could be so obviously telling the truth whilst Myrnin is lying… unless he cheated with someone else… "Shane, tell us, why do you think that Claire is lying?" he asks Shane, who stares at him horrified that he has been dragged into this… that is until he gets a chance to sort through his words.

"He is manipulative and able to control her; he could make her think anything about me and then the complete opposite about him," he answers, causing Myrnin to huff and puff in shock. "He uses his charm and looks to his advantage and would try and get her to cheat just because he can," he continues.

"Shane, I'm saving all my energy to work doubly hard so that I don't feel guilty about leaving my lab alone whilst I get the chance to spend time with my soon to be wife and child," Myrnin snaps but with adoration for Vicky in his eyes. "I don't _really_ think that controlling Claire would be in my best interests, let alone having an affair! Think of all the time I would miss working whilst we snuck around people's backs! It is a _ludicrous_ thought… not to mention, I love Vicky," he continues as an afterthought, evidently realising he has only made sure people know he isn't having an affair simply because he doesn't have the time.

Vicky turns to look at him and is about to respond, just when Chaz walks out. Everyone gasps in horror and shock as they see the girl wearing:

Almost nothing

Of course… natural, isn't it, to come out in front of an entire audience wearing _ALMOST AS LITTLE AS YOUR MOTHER WAS WEARING WHEN YOU WANTED TO STRANGLE HER_!

Chaz is, naturally, wearing a silver (so that Sam can't touch her probably, since she's still touchy about the whole 'him cheating on her with his ex, who just happens to be her mother, and getting her pregnant' thing) bikini which is more of just a strip of material across her middle of her boobs. The pants are more of _not really there_ material, latex of course, and, as she pirouettes, every single male in the audience is captivated by her behind.

Even the pretty big pregnancy bump doesn't detract from her image.

Everyone on the stage is shocked into silence by this clothing, or lack of. Vicky puts her head in her hands, having realised her sister is _exactly_ like her mother, whilst Amelie removes her coat and throws it across the room to cover her younger daughter. Sam simply stares at her, the lust in his eyes for her evident for all to see.

Myrnin averts his eyes, simply focusing on his future wife (possibly) so that he can't be accused of going after the sister, whilst Shane stares at her, dumbstruck. Finally, Jeremy grabs the coat Amelie threw at her and throws it over Chaz's shoulders, causing the crowd (well, the men at least) to boo until he throws them the finger.

"Chaz, what is the meaning of your dressing like this?" Jeremy asks her gently as she sits down next to Sam but not touching him, which is evidently torture for him…

"I did it to show mother dearest here that she isn't the only one who can dress like this and that it is people _my_ age who should do, not her!" she responds proudly.

"Charlotte, you do _not ever_ dress like that when you are pregnant!" Amelie chastises her daughter, something which everyone barring Sam agrees with.

"Have you seen what _you_ have on show?" Chaz gestures to Amelie's dress, which has fallen down slightly somehow and has come to be revealing rather more than she had intended from the upper half of her body. "And you dressed like this before and you shouldn't! It's just wrong!" she continues.

Jeremy decides that it is all well and fine them arguing about whether or not Amelie is too old to be wearing clothes like that (in his opinion, _everyone_ is) but he has lie detector results waiting just off stage and another two guests to be getting on for them all to discuss the probability of Claire and Myrnin having cheated.

"You all _shuddit_!" he yells unnecessarily but decides to just to get his point across. "Now, Chaz, tell me why you decided to tell your sister that Myrnin is cheating with Claire," he orders the sulking girl who sits upright now she is being given some attention.

"I did it because she had just gotten a house from Sam and that he had basically given her a full new sibling and I _want a full sibling_!" she wails, shutting her eyes as she flings her head back. Sam instantly lets go of Vicky's arm – a position which Myrnin hastily fills to much eye rolling from Amelie – and moves to hug his Chaz, though carefully so that the coat doesn't slip and allow others to see her.

"So you _don't_think Myrnin is cheating with Claire?" Jeremy confirms and, through her tears, Chaz shakes her head. The crowd, unsurprisingly, gasps and have faces like this:

**:O**

Which makes Jeremy lose it. "Jesus, people, you need to get yourself some better reactions! If I come back here again – which I am _very _much hoping I don't – I do not want to hear the same thing over and _over_ again! Do you understand?"

The audience, amazed that _they_ are being berated by Jeremy, nods silently, deciding nonverbally not to react whatsoever unless it is _really_ shocking.

"Michael and Eve are on, ladies and gentlemen," Jeremy continues as if nothing has happened.

Michael and the _extremely_ pregnant Eve, who is about to burst and looks in pain, walk on in silence, no reactions from the audience. They take the nearest seats and wonder why they have been called on: it's not like they're _needed_ or anything.

"Do you think Claire has cheated?" Jeremy gets straight in with the million dollar question, not even bothering with a 'how are you' in his eagerness to get to the lie detector results and find out who is lying!

"No," Michael says bluntly whilst Eve simply winces in pain. "Eve, sweetie, you need to answer," Michael says when she remains silent… people don't – not even people who have had children – realise that she is in labour, not even when she bursts into tears.

"No… no she hasn't cheated," she sobs, causing Michael to pull her into his arm. "Ow… Michael… I think I'm having the baby," she confesses, just as they all hear a lovely:

**SPLASH**!

Her waters break all over the stage, causing Jeremy to scream inside – the fluids will _never_ leave his stage entirely; there will always be a reminder there that Eve went into labour on his stage. But the rest of the stage look up in shock, Claire and Shane the first ones to move across to look at Eve and a dumbstruck Michael.

"Do you want to get an ambulance?" Michael bursts into action, digging his contraband phone (what if it went off in the middle of the show?) out of his pocket. But Eve shakes her head and grits her teeth, gripping his hand tightly, causing Chaz and Vicky to wince as they realise that having their baby will be like this: painful.

"No, I want to find out the lie detector results first," she says, lifting her feet out of her own watery stuff… even though she is _sat_ in it, so it doesn't really make much of a difference.

Jeremy nods, reaching across to get the envelope from the lie detector results man. "Vicky, before I open these, if he is lying what will you do?" he asks, as he is contractually obliged to ask before he opens the envelope.

She answers quickly, wanting to get Eve to be able to have her baby quickly without her time wasting. "I will leave him, simple as," she says firmly, feeling him freeze beside her.

Jeremy opens the envelope and begins to read.

"We asked Myrnin if he had ever cheated on Vicky in the past by having sexual intercourse with any other," he begins, happy that the wording wasn't specific to Claire. "He answered no… he was telling the truth."

Vicky nods with a smile, always having known this but it was her mother who booked the show, not her.

"We asked Myrnin if he had ever had sexual contact with any other… he said no… he was telling the truth…" Jeremy continues and decides that the last question is unnecessary. "We have no need to answer the last question, so Eve get to hospital and have a happy birth – not bloody likely – and Vicky, honey, here is the card," he says frantically and the four Glass House residents rush off the stage to take Eve to hospital.

Sam and Amelie exchange a look of shock as they both realise that they were wrong, that Myrnin had never cheated on their daughter. But Sam stays with a still crying Chaz – hormones, he says with a wry smile – whilst Amelie apologises to Myrnin who doesn't seem to be paying attention since he is eating the face of his girlfriend… fiancée.

"That's all we have time for today, thank you for watching," Jeremy says frantically to the audience, keen to have them out of his sight. He can't believe their reactions have been so _paltry_!

The audience disperse quickly, keen to be away from 'nasty Jeremy JK', and Jeremy turns back to the stage people with a strange expression on his face. "Where is Oliver?" he asks, confused.

"He had to work today: he couldn't take the time off," Amelie explains wistfully, twirling the engagement ring he gave her – actually pretty, for Oliver – on her finger.

Sam snorts before looking at her. "Funny that, since I _definitely_ heard him say something along the lines of 'I need to find a new kid to sleep with since Amelie isn't doing that for me anymore'," he says with a grin, causing Amelie to blush before registering the rest of his words.

"Oliver is not a _paedophile_!" Amelie explodes and Jeremy calls a timeout between them.

"remember the offer of spending a month together still applies," he says sharply. "Don't forget that we resolved the issue today and, hopefully, this will be our last meeting."

With that, he storms off the stage, hoping with all his heart that he will never have to see Sam Glass, Vicky Glass, Chaz Morrell, Amelie, Myrnin, Oliver, Michael, Eve, Claire, Shane, Hannah or Richard ever again.

Guess that that wish isn't going to come true… well, for some of those!

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><p><em>Whatcha think?<em>

_One more coming up definitely!_

_It will _definitely_ focus more around Chaz and Sam, me thinkies hahah XD_

_Review __**please**_

_Vicky xx_


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